lucky me

an average balinese makes about $2.00 us dollars a day

i had truly come to enjoy hilton's company. he was quite the extraordinary nomad, continued to exceed all of my expectations, and yet still seemed a bit more lost than i. but i'm only speaking in terms of a normal everyday life type of "lost." he may not have been ready to embrace the concept of a traditional family lifestyle and wasn’t quite ready to succumb to the pressures of it, but he had more insight into the world than any law or medical degree could buy. his outlook was far more broad than mine and his ability to think outside the box was greater than anyone i had ever met before. quite honestly, for hilton, a box just didn't even exist.

amongst our conversation i had mentioned the current room condition that i had been subjected to. i was paying 15 american dollars a night to stay in a room by myself, which is great. but the shower was cold, the sheets a bit sketchy and i was intruding on a certain gecko's lodging facilities.

he looked at me, took a swig of his bintang and thought before he made his response.  i know he didn't want to offend me, therefore he was trying to choose his words wisely. i understood that it would only take a quick glance for one to assess me to know that i wasn't exactly living the lifestyle i was accustomed to, no matter how rugged i looked.

"you know shannon, more than half of the world lives in conditions worse than the rooms you and i are staying in. and that is their everyday lifestyle, there is no escape to america for them. possibly those thoughts will help you sleep better at night."  he made his point quite clear, and there was no reason to further the discussion. i know he didn't mean it, but even with that charming accent of his, the comment was a cold slap in the face.

i went to sleep that night, smiling at the gecko on my wall, and thanked the world and whatever god was listening for the roof provided over my head.

xoxo – ShannonSmile

kneeling angel

when i was a little girl i used to crawl under my parents dining room table, get on my knees and pray to God to make me an angel. i wanted so badly for him to take my life and put wings on my back that it often brought me to tears. i would write him letters, made him promises to eat my vegetables, showed kindness to my siblings, all in anticipation of soaring through the sky. I wanted very much to watch over my family and to love the children of the world.

this trip of mine, this self-development world tour that i am embarking on….is not meant to be a spiritual pilgrimage. i have struggled with my faith, honestly with the pure concept of "faith" in general for the past 6 years of my life. i didn’t situate myself in the middle of southeast asia on some pursuit of faith. i didn't escape from reality expecting to be touched by the wonders of God, needing to return home and start some religious revolution, write a best selling novel and end up on oprah.

i honestly don't know what i believe in anymore, and i don’t want to be pressured in any direction. i have definitely allowed the philosophers of the light age to invade my thoughts and the scientists of the new age to revive fact with much less fiction throughout my analysis. but i don't need the influence of a fellow human to assist, if there is one thing that i do believe, it is that all will come to light when necessary.

although, i must say that there is a hint of sadness when i take the brief moment to reminisce. sad that i can no longer indulge in my youthful innocence. that i no longer want with every bone of my body to be angel……i miss my innocence, my youth, my unwavering faith.                                                        

i wonder which pill i would have taken, the blue or the red…..

xoxo – ShannonSmile

a man of many talents

when i was a child i believed in many things. whether those beliefs still ring true today, is left solely up to my discretion.

when it thunders, God is bowling.

when it rains, God is crying.

when lightening strikes, God is having a bit of a disco.

as a child it never struck me odd that he was usually bowling, dancing and crying all at once! i mean let's state the obvious, he is a man of many talents.

i went for dinner and drinks tonight with a friend that i met at the pool. he is a south african man who had just finished a bit of traveling on tour with 40 nomads, one tour guide, and one bus driver. they had been through 23 countries in 28 weeks, his stories were intriguing and enlightening.

after dinner we walked to the beach. our curiosity got the best of us, as some unruly thunder was heard a few 100 meters away and we were keen on looking into the source. what we came to find, still is, a beautiful mystery to me…..no picture, no painting, no photograph could ever bring it justice. only the memory tucked deep within the walls of my mind will ever suffice.

we were so entranced by the music of the earth that we silently walked to edge of the water, sat in the cold sand, allowed the warm bali breeze to kiss our face and indulged as our eyes were entertained. waves upon waves, six rows deep, were sliding into the sand. i had watched the ocean my entire life, have lived near it for the past nine years, and have never seen such beauty. as the waves would crash in front of us, the thunder would roll in from the left and the bali sky would light with the most beautiful array of purple, blue, indigo, and white flashes. and then all of the sudden there was silence….no waves, no thunder, no lightening, nothing heard or seen for miles. then instantly, out of nowhere, the chorus would strike up again!

the ocean was so angry, the thunder ridiculously upset, both fighting ever so hard to be heard. but wait…ssshhhhh…..if you listened closely, when nature fell silent, as if brought on by the wind, the beautiful sounds of a balinese music circle could be heard in the distance. it complimented the moment so perfectly, that if ashton kutcher jumped out, i wouldn't have been surprised.

few words were exchanged between hilton and i on the beach that night.

hilton: "how can we describe this to someone"

me: "i couldn't"

hilton: "this is better than any tv show"

me: "i am overwhelmingly entertained"

i excused myself, suddenly needing to be alone with my thoughts. so many emotions came running through my body, overtaking my very thought pattern. as i closed the door to my bedroom, torrential downpour, perfect tunes for mediation.

xoxo – ShannonSmile

bail to bali

the minute i got off the plane in denpasar, a warm feeling registered deep within my bones. i couldn't quite explain it, quite frankly was confused by the instant comfort. i had never been to bali before, wasn't familiar with my current surroundings, had done little research with regards to the culture and the people. but it didn't matter, something just felt right.

it was around 8:45 in the evening, and of course i had no where to go. i allowed myself, for just one second, to wondered why i did this. but i knew quite well that my over analysis of everyday life, forced me to question the paths i had set in motion back home, causing a minor quarter-life crisis. therefore encouraging me to bail, leaving my vast array of everyday securities by the waste side.

my neurotic, methodical nature had landed me in this very predicament…stranded in indonesia. hah - i had to laugh at myself. constant contradictions run my life.

my lack of preparation had left me without a pillow or a roof, leaving me but with one choice, think fast shan! i had met an auzzie by the name of alex on the plane, so i asked her if i could tag along and share a taxi to the nearest town to see if i could find some lodging. on the way we stopped to grab a bite to eat. i ordered my favorite, pumpkin soup and a side of bread. my slight obsession with pumpkin has come to full term while i've been abroad.  since it's rare and seasonal in the states, i have indulged in more than my fair share of pumpkin dishes since i've been gone. throughout this part of the world pumpkin has found its way onto a million different dishes, including pizza, pasta, pastries, and salads!  to my sincere surprise, my bill for a pumpkin soup, a side of garlic toast and a large bottle of water was $3.50. The same dish in oz would ring me at least $25 dollars.

i was immediately pleased with my impromptu decision to visit the "island of the gods."

xoxo – ShannonSmile

the wizard

this psychic, my wizard, basically helped to change the course of my life as i know it. as i continue on my travels onward to bali, and reflect back, i wonder quite often, how the course of my life change so drastically. was it because i asked it to, or because the wizard said it would? here i am, half way across the world, all alone, estranged at the present moment from all friends and family. was this all because of a two hour pay session?

he basically laid the cards out on the table, no pun intended, harsh and true. "you're unhappy with your job, in your apartment, in your current relationship, basically upset with your life and you feel stuck. well, you're not. so stop feeling sorry for yourself and make a change. quit that job, rent out that apartment and either make it or break it with the man. you've never been one sit around and wait for the world to change…..you have always made the world accommodate you. there is no need for you to be stuck behind a desk, use your charm and personality and make something of yourself. you are meant to travel the world, you will step foot on many soils."

he had no idea who i was, he knew nothing about me, not even my last name. i wondered if he had a facebook or was into some sort of client stalking thing. he nailed me. right on the dot. for two hours he tore my life apart, piece by piece, and mentioned people by name and told me the roles that they played within my life. he told me who i can trust and who i need to discard of. he broke down my familial relationships, my friendships and my personal relationship. he told my things i already knew and then allowed some insight into things that i had never confirmed, but always had an inkling. he amazed me and for me, that is quite rare.

i left the wizard that evening, with a sense of calmness that i hadn't felt in years. for whatever reason, i knew that the changes that would take place within the coming months were inevitable. they were out of my control.

as the days passed, i did everything in my power to push his premonitions out of my mind. it was completely irrational for me to up and leave everything. i was sophisticated and responsible, with a promising future ahead of me. i had bills to pay, a car lease to uphold, a beautiful apartment, a job, and a status intact.

he was insane. i was insane. i wasn't leaving. this is ridiculous.

xoxo – ShannonSmile

farewell to oz

flashback

i find it quite funny that, unbeknownst to my arrival, the place i chose to begin my journey is nicknamed "oz." life works in mysterious ways.  

i had just gotten into another argument with the man that i considered to be my future husband. he always had the means to ruin my good moods, no matter what the circumstances. he had the innate ability to make me instantly feel sick. i wanted to puke as my anxiety intensified. i really didn't need this right now…..i was under so much stress already. 

i stared at the paper in my hand, then glanced at the address in front of me…..ok, a few more houses and i should be there. i headed north on the narrow manicured street and looked upward. about a block away i saw a man waving his hands frantically in the air. i knew immediately who he was. i apprehensively walked up to his front porch, i had never done anything like this before. honestly, have never believed in such things. not to mention, been told my entire life that this was toying with the devil.

as the man who held my destiny came into focus, i could't believe what my eyes were seeing……i had come to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz.

xoxo - ShannonSmile

things you should know about oz

sunscreen in oz is much stronger than in the states. our 60 doesn't even equal their 30. buy your suncream there, so your skin doesn't melt away like mine did!

auzzie's are a bit obsessed with the "oc" due to our crap reality shows that brainwash their media flow

swim between the yellow and red flags hoisted on the beach. it means patrolled waters, for riptides, sharks, jellyfish

oz is always in a drought, two buttons on a toilet: push one for #1 and one for #2

cars do not stop for pedestrians, they will run you over even if there is a crosswalk

aborigines are what they call their natives. they are not viewed with high regards, in some parts of oz it is illegal to sell them alcohol. so if an aborigine tries to get you to buy them booze….do not

currency: australian dollar

drive on the left side of the road, steering wheel on the right

coffee is an art, no joke

iced coffee - has milk, sugar and ice cream in it…..intense

you need a visa to visit this country and you have to buy it before you land there

passionfruit is a real fruit and it's a tasty delight =)

australians are a bit lazy in the lingo category, they shorten everything:
mcdonalds = macca's
australians = auzzie's (not aussie's)
brisbane = brizy
tasmania = tazi

Shannanigans #4

sitting on the balcony of my hostel eating a fruit salad and yogurt dish, wind running it's fingers through my hair, while watching the sunset amongst friends.
 

i wish i could give this gift to everyone.  

gold coast, oz

xoxo - ShannonSmile

the life of a rock

I woke up this morning and immediately felt the sweltering heat hit my body. There was no possibility of me falling back to sleep. I thru on my bathers, grabbed my sunnies and ran to the beach. It was gorgeous. mini waves coming from the north and larger ones coming from the east, crashing into each other to share the same water. i couldn't see another person on the beach for miles and from what i could tell, the water was also absent of human form. there were red and yellow flags about a half mile away, which signified patrolled waters. where i spilled onto the beach, swimming was not encouraged. 

i had no fear of sharks and knew from experience that i could handle the traditional waves, so i ran and fast as i could and fell into the water. the ocean was refreshing. i laid in the pacific and allowed for the waves to toss me around. there was an exhilarating feeling knowing that no one knew i was out there. i could get swept away into the vast unexplored waters, there was a romantic beauty about it. after a bit i dragged myself from it's claws and lied my entire body onto the warm earth. no towel necessary, the white clean sand was bedding enough. 

i started to make a sand angel, knowing quite well that at home i had once suggested that someone make a path from the boardwalk to the water so that i could avoid touching the dirty beach to get to the waves. i have always been a water baby, but thought quite well that we could do with out the grainy disintegrated rock. but here, on this continent, i mushed the sand between my fingers and my toes, appreciating every grain that i touched. i fell asleep mid-angel to the mild sounds of the waves.

xoxo - ShannonSmile